It’s easy to write about the good things that are happening
or when things are going right, but when things are not going so great, it’s a
little harder to share that…
I’ve been on a bit of a roller coaster since the end of
October. I haven’t stopped losing or
exercising or tracking or going to meetings…I’ve just been up and down. And that’s hard to admit! Still managing an average weight loss of about
.75 pounds a week; still managing to exercise 5 days a week, always tracking,
not missing any meetings…and yet…
The “spark” that I had in the beginning of this journey just
hasn’t been there for a while. I’ve had
to stop and really look at my motivation, my desire, my goal for this whole
process. I was starting to feel deprived
in some weird way. Like I wasn’t ever
going to get to eat and enjoy the things I love (how dumb is that-I’ve been
eating them all along!). Or that I would
always fight this feeling of never being good enough…no, never being perfect
enough. I’d started to look at the huge
amount of weight still to lose and began to wonder if the rest of the battle
was worth it or if I could just stop and be satisfied with what I had
accomplished. After all, I feel so much
better, my clothes fit better, my doctor says I’m in better health, people tell
me I look better…
But there have been some challenges along the way…most
recently some health challenges. Not
anything major, just mostly the effects of having lived a sedentary lifestyle
for the past 25+ years and carrying around nearly 150 pounds of extra weight
for all that time (I guess that’s pretty major). The last couple of weeks have had me contemplating
and refocusing. When challenges arise or
things change in my life, particularly when they change in ways that I don’t
understand or desire (!), I really have to take a step back, process the
information, line it up with God’s Word and try to make sense of it…and I know
I can’t always make sense of it. The biggest
problem is that I think I can do all of the changing…all of
the processing…all of the FIXING. I’ve
been a fixer…always have been. I don’t
want people to be unhappy; I don’t like confrontation; I don’t like
change. I want to make things right for
everyone. And things in our lives are
not always sunny and rosy and right. We
are going to face challenges, defeats, disappointments and CHANGE.
Yet…in the midst of the challenges and the changes, there is
one constant in my life that I know never changes. One constant that always succeeds in getting me back on track. When I align myself with God’s Word and His
Ways, no matter the challenges, He will see me through. There’s great comfort, peace and assurance
for this weary soul in that promise. Is
there for you?
How excellent is the conversing between Holy Spirit and our spirits...cutting through the surface and gettin' down to the grid and grime of the situation. Kicking and screaming is the visual of the process, but we find that He really is a Comforter ~ and the process really is painless when we allow Him do what it is He does best.
ReplyDeleteGraham Cooke put it best ~ "The Holy Spirit cherishes freedom and is absolutely delighted to make Jesus real to us, in us, and through us. When God points out a part of our life that isn't working, He is pointing to the site of our next victory. Holy Spirit rubs His hands with gless at the thought of the blessing, freedom and release that He can bring to us in this area of our life. When God wants us to change He always gives us a promise and a provision that is centered on the fullness of Christ."
Kelly, I am so very proud of how far you've come and the tenacity you have for the distance still to go. I don't have to tell you how proud Papa God is of you simply because He loves you no matter what ~ He just grins when He thinks about you....throwing His hands up and shouting, "That's My girl!!"